I had been cynical about this project since the first moment it was announced, but the first trailer really confirmed my feelings of pessimism around the quality of another “Indiana Jones” sequel. The action looked murky and unfocused, the CGI looked cheap, and Waller-Bridge’s character looked annoying in the classic modern feminist way. All of these concerns rang true throughout my viewing. The action was murky and unfocused, the CGI looked cheap, and Waller Bridge’s character was incredibly grating. Add to that a persistent use of close shots, an underwhelming villain and MacGuffin, a lack of respect for the titular character, and a crappy ending, and you have “Dial of Destiny” in a nutshell.

Much discussion has already been had surrounding the use of de-aging technology. The physical look of a young Ford is pretty well captured, but his eyes look lifeless. Ford’s 80 year old voice is still used, so what we have is a lifeless recreation with an old man’s voice that does not match up to what we saw in the original trilogy. It’s an utter failure in that regard. From the get-go, we have a prolonged action sequence that takes place at night. The action is not well captured and there are SO many closeup shots. This film has closeup shots galore. The setting is dark and hard to see. An opening action sequence should not take place at nighttime. The action sequences have little to no character or plot stakes. The majority of the movie is just chase scene after chase scene, all of which feel very monotonous and rushed in the way many modern action sequences do. Spielberg is probably the greatest action director in film history, so this is a huge blow to a franchise that is known for action set pieces.

There are very few establishing shots or just wide shots in general. I did not have a good sense of geography for much of the film. “Dial of Destiny” has a very sheen, glossy look to it that costs it from having that authentic grimy feel that the other films in the franchise have. The locations have little significance and look fake most of the time. There are no intellectual challenges presented along the adventure, and the item the characters are searching for has no historical relevance. The MacGuffin is incredibly stupid and does not get played up beyond the Nazi physicist saying that it contains “the power of God.” What does it do, you might ask? One character says it “opens up fissures in time.” Ok, but what does that mean? What are the consequences of using it? As a sci-fi connoisseur, I know what it means, but why make it so vague? We eventually find out exactly what the dial does in a scene that rivals the alien scene in “Crystal Skull” for its ridiculousness. The visuals in that scene look like they came out of a video game.

The character of Indiana Jones is not treated with much respect in “Dial of Destiny.” The first few shots are of him sleeping shirtless in his chair and yelling at the younger people beneath him to turn down some loud music. He then proceeds to dump alcohol in his coffee. He is divorced, has a dead son, and teaches at what looks like a second-rate community college. His students show no interest in his lectures. What happened to this man? Why do Hollywood writers continue to treat legacy characters with such disdain? Indy is at once presented as decrepit, but has no problem jumping between moving vehicles or delivering punches. There was no consistency in his abilities as an 80 year old man. Either way, Ford was just too old to don the hat again. The film suffers from a lack of energy that is hardly supplanted by Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s character.

Helena Shaw is just Kathleen Kennedy injecting herself and her politics into another Lucasfilm product. The character is irritating, selfish, cowardly, and materialistic. These attributes may be fine for a character to have, so long as there is a point of self-actualization…but that does not really happen. The most grandiose chase scene in the movie happens as a result of men being jealous over her affection. The whole premise of that is ludicrous and prevents the action from having any stakes. Helena is a know-it-all who belittles Indy both intellectually and physically. She uses her sexuality as a defense mechanism and is motivated purely by self-interest. She claims independence is part of her power, but she really just uses it as an excuse to not be reflective and accountable for her own actions. She doesn’t even care when people die around her. A headstrong, capable female character with dignity would have been great. I am all about healthy teasing and sarcastic banter, but sadly Helena just comes off as defensive and condescending.

There are no standout scenes in “Dial of Destiny.” There is nothing like the map room or the idol grab in “Raiders,” where there is scaling tension and swelling, epic music. John Williams’ score is enjoyable, but it’s easily the weakest of the five he’s done. There are no memorable themes like there are in “Raiders” or “Last Crusade,” or even “Crystal Skull.” Mads Mikkelsen plays a less corny version of Doctor Strangelove. Mads is great in everything he does, but here he is underserved by a script that relies too heavily on villainous tropes. His plan is foiled not by Indy, but by an incredibly dull twist in the third act that puts a damper on the conflict between good and evil. Math is now the power of God, rather than a religious relic with supernatural powers. The movie explicitly renounces religious talismans and holds up science as the ultimate source of truth. This seems odd for a franchise that has been heavily reliant on mysticism and the supernatural. Archimedes is so lame that the movie is ironically undercutting its own renunciation of the power of religious belief and imagery.

“Dial of Destiny” is sadly nothing more than a mildly entertaining escapist rehash of the first three Indiana Jones films, with some tasteful (and some not so tasteful) references thrown in for good measure. Sallah feels sorely out of place, and his appearance is underwhelming to say the least. Characters miraculously survive fatal accidents one too many times. It was so disheartening to see Indy basically give up at the end of the film. The tenacity of the character was just thrown out the window. Say what you will about “Crystal Skull,” but the spirit of Indiana Jones was at least preserved in that story. James Mangold is a fine director, and he likely had a pretty tight leash on him, but his creative choices here are just so generic. He definitely lacks the risk tolerance that the likes of Spielberg and Nolan have. Snakes and rats are just replaced with eels and bugs. The plot is propelled forward by rash decisions and a constant change of hands on the Dial. It is sad to see my favorite film character end his run with such a clunker. Any sequels, prequels, or recasting will not be supported by me. I am looking forward to Tom Cruise once again rejuvenating my love for the summer blockbuster with “Dead Reckoning.”